


Pure Bromance

by flufflez



Category: South Park
Genre: Bromance, Fluff, Kyle is asexual, Kyle is very shy & self conscious, Love Confessions, M/M, Stan is "straight"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 18:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20451767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flufflez/pseuds/flufflez
Summary: Stan and Kyle have an unusual relationship.





	Pure Bromance

It was fifth grade. Stan had broken up with Wendy for the fifteenth time. He sat next to Kyle in his bedroom, slumped on the floor against the side of his bed, ranting about the breakup. Kyle simply rolled his eyes, smiled and told him it was good to have him back again. Stan was a bit puzzled what he meant by that, but at the same time, he couldn't help but agree. Now he'd have more time to spend with his friend. He would be able to sit next to him on the bus again, and talk to him before homeroom. It was good to be back. It was in that moment that he experienced an overwhelming feeling of attachment. He wasn't sure where it came from, or why it sparked at that particular moment, but he was now certain that Kyle was the most important person in his life.

It was sixth grade. They were in Stan's bedroom again, as Kyle sat on the floor, this time listening to his friend talking about his issues with his dad's stupidity and alcoholism, and his parents discussing possibly getting another divorce. Stan looked truly upset, and seemed a little drunk himself. "You know, sometimes I still think everything in life is just shit. Life is shit. Except you Kyle, you're not shit. You..." he hiccuped. "You're like a sparkle in a pile of shit. Or something."

Kyle just sighed and reached out to hold Stan's hand in an attempt to comfort him. It was in that moment, he felt like he wanted to hold Stan forever and protect him from ever being hurt. Stan was his, his..he didn't know what to call him, exactly. He just knew that Stan was his, and it was an unspoken duty to be there for him.

As they got older, Stan became genuinely confused about his feelings towards his friend. Maybe because they were always seen together, some people started rumors that they were a couple. He knew for certain that he was not sexually attracted to his friend, in fact, he wasn't attracted to guys at all. Yet he couldn't deny that his feelings toward Kyle weren't exactly the normal kind of feelings you have for a friend. He felt very possessive of Kyle. Whenever Kyle dated girls, it made him genuinely jealous. He secretly felt as though they were trying to steal Kyle's attention and affection away from him. Fortunately, Kyle's girlfriends were always short lived, much to his selfish relief.

As they got into their college years, Kyle seemed to avoid dating and women. He just didn't seem as interested in girls as the rest of the guys. Stan was glad that he still had Kyle's attention. He was convinced that Kyle's problem was due to him being an "intellectual" type and having high standards in women, or just being too shy to approach some random girl at a bar or party. He didn't realize it was much more than that.

At age 21, Kyle's friends forcefully dragged him to a 4th of July party underneath a highway bridge. He was not pleased. Someone decided that this would be a good chance to help him lose his virginity. Most likely, it was Kenny or Cartman's stupid idea. There were drunk people everywhere. The hot weather provided an excuse for women to dress in tight skimpy clothing, and for men to run around shirtless. People were just hanging around, being loud and obnoxiously drunk, flirting and grabbing asses. There were a ton of drugs involved as well. Some of the girls there seemed like addicts and prostitutes.

Kyle just wasn't interested in the crazy scene and wanted to go home. He planned to sit down on a curb and wait there until his friends decided it was time to leave, but Kenny and Cartman wouldn't allow that. Instead, they shoved him in the direction of a girl wearing a tube top, flip flops and tight shorts.

"Hey, our friend wants to talk to you!" Kenny yelled at the girl, forcefully pushing Kyle towards her. Kyle wanted to murder Kenny.

By the end of the night, Kyle still hadn't hooked up with any girls, and was more than ready to leave. Kenny was stumped, Stan felt bad for his best friend, and Cartman would later insist that Kyle was gay.

The next weekend, inspired by Cartman's theory, Kenny dragged Kyle to a gay bar without telling him that was where they were headed. Unable to leave, since Kenny had drove him there and insisted they stay for an hour, he furiously sat down at the bar, having to explain to a few guys who sat near him that he was not interested. His body language probably helped keep people away for the most part. Meanwhile, Kenny pretended to be gay while secretly flirting with some of the girls in the bar. Kyle watched angrily as Kenny sat at another table, entering girls numbers into his phone, only throwing a grin and thumbs up at Kyle when he noticed him watching.

After that unsuccessful adventure and a lot of bitching on Kyle's behalf, Kyle's friends decided to give up on "helping" him get laid, finally deciding to leave him alone about it.

At age 23, he confessed to Stan that he had never felt any real desire to have sex, with anyone, and was actually somewhat disgusted by the idea. He was certain by that point that he was asexual. Stan was the first person he shared this with. He asked him to keep it a secret. He didn't want people to think that he was weird, and he didn't want his parents knowing about the potentially low prospects of ever giving them grandchildren. Stan did find it odd, but it explained Kyle's lack of enthusiasm for dating and random hookups. Still, he supported his friend and assured him that his secret was safe.

However, Stan's curiosity built and he had questions to ask. One day, they were sitting on a couch in Stan's apartment, their plans of going out thwarted by a sudden violent rainstorm. It seemed like a good opportunity to pester his best friend with questions.

"So, I've been wondering..you said you aren't interested in sex. Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone? Or were you faking everything with the girls you dated?" he asked. "Is it even possible for you to  _have_ a crush on someone?"

Kyle was mildly annoyed by his questioning, but he understood that Stan wasn't trying to be rude, that most people just wouldn't get it. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be able to have a crush on someone?"

Stan shrugged. "Because..usually when people talk about relationships, there's some kind of sexual attraction involved."

Kyle sighed. He really didn't want to talk about this. "Well, there doesn't have to be."

"I just don't get it," Stan continued, looking down at his phone.

Kyle managed to avoid face palming before replying, "Well, I don't get it either, so I guess it goes both ways."

"Are you sure you're not just afraid of sex because you're a germaphobe?" Stan asked.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "I mean yeah, I do find sex gross partly for that reason, but that's not all of it. I just never had any desire to try it."

"Then how do you even know you don't like sex if you've never tried it?" Stan continued with his personal interrogation.

"That's like me asking how you know you don't want to have sex with another guy. You don't have to try it to know you're not interested," Kyle explained.

"Hmm. I guess that makes sense." Stan fiddled with the strings on his hoodie as he thought of more questions to ask. He was going to make the most of this interrogation session. "So do you actually want to be in relationship with someone?"

"It would be nice," Kyle sighed. "But the odds of me finding someone who I'm not only compatible with, but who also won't expect sex from me are low. So I'm not worrying about it. I'm fine being single."

"So would you want this person to be a woman or it doesn't matter?" Stan questioned.

"Why all the questions, are you interviewing me for some dating service?" Kyle laughed. "I haven't really thought about that. I mean, I'm mostly interested in someone I have a connection with. If it's a girl then great, if it's a guy then I guess I'd give it a try. Like I said, I barely even have options."

"I'm sure there's someone out there who would like you," Stan replied, resting his head on his knees as he looked at Kyle.

Kyle sighed again. "I don't really wanna talk about this, dude. It kinda makes me depressed. I just have to accept that I'm a freak who's probably gonna end up being alone the rest of my life."

"You're not a freak! And I wouldn't say that. I can think of one person who is probably interested," Stan replied.

"Who, then? Do I know them?" Kyle asked, looking confused.

Stan smirked. "You know them, but I'm not telling you who it is."

"Why? Now I'm curious who you're talking about," Kyle questioned.

"I want you to guess," Stan replied with a grin.

"Ugh, whatever," Kyle said, rolling his eyes. "How am I supposed to guess? Give me some clues."

"I'll give you one: you first met them a long time ago."

Kyle looked confused. "That doesn't really help at all."

"They went to school with you," Stan elaborated.

Kyle rubbed his chin. "That could be anyone! Were we friends?"

"Yeah, you were friends with them."

"Oh. That narrows it down a bit." Kyle tried to think of who it could possibly be. Then his face went pale. "Oh god, it's not Wendy, is it?"

Stan looked surprised by his first guess. "No? Why would it be Wendy?"

"I don't know! She just didn't seem like a very sexual type."

"Nope, it's not Wendy. Go ahead and keep guessing."

Kyle shook his head. "I have no idea. This is stupid." He took a moment to think of more possibilities. "Uh..this is probably wrong but...is it Butters?"

Stan began laughing. "Nope, definitely not Butters."

Kyle looked like a lightbulb lit up in his head. "It's Tweek, isn't it? Or Craig?"

"No, not Tweek or Craig." Stan continued to laugh.

"Please don't tell me it's Cartman," Kyle said with a deep breath.

"Jesus, no!" Stan laughed even harder.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "I don't fucking know then! Jimmy?"

"No."

"Red?"

"Nope."

"...Heidi?"

"Nope."

"Annie?"

"Nope."

"Give me some more clues. Is it a girl or a guy?" Kyle asked, growing frustrated with this guessing game.

"Guy," Stan replied.

Kyle took a moment to think. "So, it's a guy I was friends with and met a long time ago..it can't be Kenny because he's a sex addict."

"Nope, not Kenny."

"Clyde?" Kyle continued guessing.

"Nope."

"Ugh. Can you give me another clue? What does this guy look like? What color was his hair?" Kyle raised an eyebrow.

Stan couldn't control his nervous laughter. "He has dark hair."

Kyle looked very confused. He tapped his chin in thought, then shook his head. "Ohh, I think I know who it is now.."

"You finally figured it out?" Stan asked, looking hopeful.

"Yeah, it's Kevin, right?"

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in disbelief. "No, it's not Kevin.."

Kyle shrugged. "Then I can't figure out who it would be. I give up."

"Seriously? You can't think of anyone else? With dark hair?" Stan pointed to his own hair.

"Off the top of my head, no. Just tell me who you're talking about!" Kyle sighed.

"Jesus, I thought you were supposed to be smart. I literally just pointed at myself."

"WHAT??" Kyle gasped. "You?!"

Stan winced at Kyle's shocked reaction. He couldn't tell if it was good or bad. "Yeah?"

"You're straight."

"Um, kinda, I guess?"

"You're not straight?"

"I don't know, but, um...I've probably had a sort-of crush on you for a long time." Stan took a deep breath, feeling very nervous.

"Probably?" Kyle questioned.

"I mean, I would get jealous whenever you dated some girl..I always wanted you to give your attention to me. I wanted to be the most important person to you."

Kyle looked pleasantly shocked. "Stan, you've always been the most important person to me."

Stan smiled, while Kyle just twiddled with his thumbs. He felt nervous and speechless. It took him a moment to think of something else to say. "Ok, so..I might have had a bit of a crush on you forever too. But I thought you're only attracted to women."

Stan scratched the back of his head. "I am, but, uhh, this is confusing. I'm confused, OK?"

"What do you mean?"

"I really like you, but it's not like I'm attracted to you _like_ _that_. I'm attracted to women. I mean, you're good looking, but uh, yeah.." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "But still..I don't know, I just love you more than any girl I've ever dated. We just have that connection. That's gotta mean something, right? And you said yourself, you don't have to be sexually attracted to someone to love them, right?"

"I feel the same exact way. But I don't see how us in a "relationship" would even work," Kyle replied, staring at his hands idly, as he sat cross legged on the sofa.

Stan shrugged. "Why not? It could be the same as it's always been? We already have a "bromance", kinda."

Kyle laughed. "Yeah but umm...you have...needs. Right? How is that going to work?"

"I dunno. You let me have drunken one night stands every now and then, and I'll promise I won't even remember them?" Stan sarcastically replied.

"As long as you don't introduce me to some random woman you got pregnant, and tell me we're all raising a baby together. I might have to split if that happens."

"Woah woah woah. That would not happen. I'm very responsible while drunk, OK?"

"And I would never wanna wake up in the morning and see you and some naked chick in our bed," Kyle added.

"Oh, so we're already moving in together and sharing a bed? That was fast."

"It was just a hypothetical scenario," Kyle replied, blushing.

"Well, I'm cool with it. Come on, you know I'm not that obsessed with sex, I'm not like Kenny."

Kyle smirked. "Stan, you're crazy. You don't wanna be in a relationship with me. If you could even call it that. You're just confused, I think. You probably want to meet a woman, get married and have kids. Not be stuck in a weird sexless relationship with your weirdo friend."

Stan frowned. "How do you know what I want? And there's no such thing as being "stuck" with you. I'm always happy around you. I don't want sex, I just want make you happy and you to be with me."

"I'm a little shocked, I can't believe this is really true."

"Well neither can I. To be honest, I thought I would take my secret Kyle crush to the grave with me."

"I thought I would take my secret Stan crush to the grave with me," Kyle replied.

Stan smiled, scooting over on the couch and wrapping both arms around Kyle in a sideways bear hug. Kyle leaned into the hug and nuzzled his head against Stan's arm. "I love you Stan.." he mumbled into his arm.

"I love you too," Stan said, kissing Kyle's curly hair.

"This is pretty gay," Kyle laughed, leaning away from him. "Would we qualify as a gay couple if we never intend to fuck?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "No? Yes? I don't know. Who gives a shit?"

"Well, other people might if they see us being all lovey dovey like this.." Kyle bit the sleeve of his sweater, one of his nervous habits.

"Again, who cares?"

"You'd just be cool with people thinking we're a gay couple?" He raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I guess being a "couple"  _would _ make us a little bit gay. I don't know."

"So what if we're a little gay? People already make up rumors about us."

"Yeah, but, umm...I'm afraid how people would react. Especially my parents, or someone like Cartman. I know that sounds stupid, but it's a little weird for me, OK? I've already been teased and accused of being gay enough."

Stan looked at Kyle sympathetically. "Don't worry what people like Cartman think. And your parents don't get to rule your life."

"I'm just not ready to have everyone judging me. Even worse, if they think we're a couple, they're automatically going to think we're fucking. I'm sure my parents would be thrilled about that. And what would  _your_ parents think?"

"Well, we don't  _have_ to tell anyone if you're afraid. It's not their business. Or you know, I can inform everyone that we don't fuck. We can announce it to everyone we meet. I'm sure they'll find it very important to know. We'll tell them that we're a straight gay couple," Stan joked.

"Homo-nosexuals?" Kyle laughed.

Stan laughed and shook his head. "Or, you could just stop being stupid and giving a shit what people think."

"Maybe that's easy for you to say, but I can't help it, I'm self conscious about what people think."

"Well then stop it."

"But I can't stop it."

"But you really should stop it."

"It's not that easy."

"It is if you just stop it."

"Just shut up."

Stan grinned. "Come on Kyle, other people's opinions don't matter..and you need to stop letting your parents approval control your life."

"I will. When I'm ready," Kyle said with a frown.

Stan leaned his head on Kyle's shoulder. "Fine by me, as long as you let me cuddle you at least once a week.."

"That's doable." Kyle smiled.


End file.
